WELCOME TO BEAM IS A DICK. NOW GO AWAY.

Be proud of your puberty on your own time, Rasputin. Because, right now, your strays keep finding their way in to my fennel salad. Shave it.

I am Beam and this is what you do not know about me: while you have your eyes closed and are basking in the sunshine, I will slit your windpipe. Sleep tight. Also, I like puppies.