Uh-oh! Yummers alert!
This may be one of the few points where you and I are equals … our shared hatred of this shit. Someone once told me that rain is just God’s tears. Sometimes God is a real pussy then.
I motherfucking hate the rain almost as much as I hate the fact that you and I might have something in common.
For 364 days a year I get to eat my cakes in peace. But today? Today of all days you bitches expect me to share. Here’s an idea: You want some red velvet cake? Then get your own fucking birthday.
Fucking freeloaders.
God, I hate birthdays.
P.S. I do like presents. Preferably cash. No checks.
!
I used to think you bitches were street. How wrong I was.
Fuck you old gang.
Don’t you sometimes wish you were a Westie? Just think of all the castles you would see!!!
Did you know that Tutankhamun’s mummified liver was buried in a gold case with semiprecious stones and colored glass? Three similar containers held his lungs, stomach, and intestines; along with the heart (which was likely removed, mummified, and then placed back in to Tut’s body). The Egyptians considered these the most important. The brain was thrown away. They thought the heart was the source of intelligence. Can you believe that? Fucking dumbasses.
I was all proud of them because of papyrus and then I hear this nonsense and it turns out Egyptians are as dumb as a damn Samoan.
God, how I hate the Egyptians.
I am so glad to be done with those Jabba the Butts. They couldn’t fuse their bloated cores if their last jelly donut depended on it. My new core fusion gang is where it’s at!
Fuck you old core fusion gang.
OMG!!! Is there anything a Westie can’t do?!?!?!
I’m trying to leave my New York City in the morning. I’ve got enough to deal with. I don’t need bits of your small intestine all over my Clarks and my welcome mat. Jerk.
Did you see today’s Westie?!??! ADORABLE!